Candidates on the Spectrum

Candidates on the Spectrum segment


Written by: Nik Schulz

Seth: Despite Trump's baseless attempts to paint Joe Biden as a socialist, Biden is actually to the left of center. For a closer look we go to our political correspondent, TK, for an analysis on where the candidates actually lie on the the political spectrum.

[Correspondent is sitting behind a horizontal graph showing the left-to-right U.S. political spectrum.

On the graph we see labels moving from center to to left as follows:

regulated free market

equal taxation

science makes sense

gender equality

universal healthcare

racial equality

clean energy future

tax the rich!

legalize all drugs!

Towards the right the graph reads:


tax the middle class

science don't know nuthin

tax the poor

family values

health care if you can afford it

what environment?

no immigrants!

tax breaks for the rich!

drugs = prison!

No gays! ]

Political correspondent: That's right, Seth. Here is a graph of where the candidates can be found on the U.S. political spectrum. Joe Biden, for example, by supporting things like Black Lives Matter, economic recovery, and environmental responsibility, can be found here to the left of center somewhere between "racial equality" and "clean energy future."

[Correspondent points a Joe Biden action figure standing in front of the graph.]

Seth: That's great, TK, but where is Trump on this chart?

Political correspondent: Well, Seth, Trump is so far to the right of the normal U.S. political spectrum that he's off the chart.

[ Camera pans right past the end of the chart to reveal the following markers:

Only we know what's best

Only I know what's best

And only I have the power

And if you don't like it I'll harass you

A blue, mini, trash dumpster wearing a presidential seal sits at "I'll harass you." Flames flicker from the top of the dumpster.]

Trump appears to be somewhere in this range.

[The correspondent points to the flaming dumpster.]

Seth: And he's a flaming dumpster fire?

Political correspondent: It certainly appears so, yes.

[The flaming Trump dumpster starts to move right, out of frame.]

Seth: Oh, TK, Trump's dumpster is starting to roll out of frame. Could you fix that?

Political correspondent: I wish I could, Seth but

[Camera pans right following the dumpster to reveal the following markers:

…hurt you

…imprison you

…kill you

The Trump dumpster stops just to the right of "…hurt you."]

by playing favorites with federal funding, refusing to condemn violence, and even going so far as to tweet support for an accused murder, Trump is moving even further into right field. So yes, it's hard to keep him in a frame of reference both here and mentally.

Seth: I see.

Political correspondent: It's an unfortunate situation, Seth.

[The fire in the dumpster flares up.]

Seth: Uh, TK, shouldn't you put out that dumpster fire?

Political correspondent: Yes, let's do that.

[TK gets a mini fire extinguisher and puts out the Trumpster fire. It smokes. He/she fans away the flames and gags.]

[Camera zooms out to show the whole political spectrum and how far right Trump really is.]

Seth: Thank you, TK. Stay safe over there! Maybe open window?